I Am a Japanese School Teacher FAQ

Here I try to address some of the most frequent questions I get. It may save us both some time, so please read through.

And yes, some questions from the "In Defense" FAQ are repeated here, but this FAQ still has lots of its own new content.

"Where's your email address?"

At the bottom of this page. If you just have a general comment to send me, feel free to skip down to it. But if you have a question, PLEASE read through this first. Chances are your question will be answered before you get to my address.

"How much does JET pay? Is it enough to live off of?"

JET pays roughly $30-35,000 a year. Whether that's enough really depends. Living in a big city can be very expensive. Living in the countryside is much cheaper (because there isn't that much you can actually spend money on), but you may end up spending just to get away. Japan is an expensive country, but you can save money if you know how to budget. Really, it just depends on what you want to do while you're here.

Where you are placed also has sort of an impact. My rent is kind of high, because I live in a commuter's paradise surburb. I have friends who pay less than half of what I do. That's just how it goes.

"How much Japanese do you need to know?"

For the ALT position? None. I however recommend knowing as much as possible before you go. Helps tremendously. But JET doesn't require you to know any during the application/interview process, and in some ways they actually discourage it.

"JET sounds great! But, I have a few questions..."

Please, please, please, please please NO MORE JET QUESTIONS. I give up, I'm raising the white flag, stick a fork in me.

If you want to do JET and can't find the information you're looking for on their website, consult your university's career center or Japanese department. If you are not in university...you are still a long way from doing this, and shouldn't worry about it too much now.

If you really really have to know, try consulting your local chapter of the Jet Alumni Association, which'll have people who've been there and back who are willing to tackle your questions. If you don't feel like leaving your room, check out the Big Daikon message board, which is full of past, present, and future JET's (but be warned - most people who go to Big Daikon don't really like their jobs...). Or register at the message board here, see if your question hasn't already been answered, and if not then go ahead and post it up.

If you actually get to applying, most if not all of your questions will be answered along the way. If you get in, they will ORIENTATE YOU TO DEATH. Seriously. They will give you answers to all the general questions you may have, and even put you in contact face-to-face with former JET's. They will tell you everything you never wanted to know about Japan, except for the really useful stuff, like the threat of kancho or that your kids may one day ask you "Do you play masturbate?" But you're hearing this now so it's all good.

And then if/when you actually get there, they will ORIENTATE YOU SOME MORE. It never ends. They'll be shipping you off to seminars until your human spirit is absolutely crushed, and the words "group work" or "brainstorming activity" will be enough to send you into uncontrollable fits of crying and swearing.

But I'm not the JET spokesboy. Never was, and I don't want to be. JET questions clog up my mailbox and are the primary reason for the backlog.

Do not email me questions about JET, unless you think it's something only I specifically can answer. You will not get an answer.

"Why don't you wear a cup/some sort of metal plate crotch covering to school?"

You're not the first person to suggest this.

I'm not about to go to my job, in a school, wearing athletic sports gear. Nor would it compel me to actually stand there and let them grab/poke all they want. I'd still be trying to get out of the way, and a cup would only dull my senses.

"Do female teachers get kanchoed/groped as well?"

It can happen. It's much, MUCH rarer for females, but it can (and has) happen.

"I really don't wanna get kanchoed..."

Don't worry. If you are just visiting, the chances are very, very rare that this'll happen. The biggest risk is Elementary Schools. But if you make it clear that this is a thing that will bother you, it should not be a problem.

But above all else, do remember that it is a game kids play, no different than our Purple Nurples or Indian Burns or Atomic Wedgies and what not. Maybe far more disgusting, but hey, different strokes I guess.

"Are you still there?"

Yes. I'll be here through August 2006 at least.

"Do your kids/teachers know about your site? What would they think if you showed them?"

They don't know as far as I know, and I have no intention of telling them.

While I don't necessarily think any of it is bad (except for the nicknames...), they're my own thoughts which I don't feel they need to know. I doubt any of them would accidentally find it, and even if they did, they wouldn't be able to fully read it (remember, the kids are still English students.)

"Can you put up a picture of so-and-so?"

While I do have pictures which I am putting up, I'm not going to point anyone out. Ie "This is the Americanized teacher" or "This is Spread Your Legs". I dunno, it just feels like a privacy issue for me. And I'd hate for one of my kids to be walking down the street, and get pulled aside by some tourist who asks "Hey, are you Bessie?" This is also why I avoid using names. It keeps some degree of anonymity to it.

Moeko is the exception though. I kind of wonder if one day she'll do a study abroad, and she'll get up and introduce herself and someone in the back will say "Hey, are you THAT Moeko?"

Lots of the people featured in the editorial ARE present in the pictures though, so if you were observant enough you could probably pick them out for yourselves.

"Can you tell me about (some other job scene/industry) in Japan?"

Not really. Since I'm not involved in anything else, I don't know anything about it aside from random outsider observations.

"I plan on visiting Japan soon. Can you tell me some good places to go to?"

I'm not a Lonely Planet. Go buy one.

"Your experience sounds awesome! I wanna do this too...I think..."

As I cautioned in the other FAQ, every situation is different. You might get kids brazenly asking you dirty sex questions...or you might get kids who seem to be catatonic. It all just depends, and there's no way to know until you actually get there.

"How are you communicating with the kids? English? Japanese?"

If it's something they said in English, I usually point it out. Otherwise, it's in Japanese. The more complex stuff is most definitely in Japanese, like the "Cheating girls suck!" stuff from "My Kids Are Perverted 2".

"How much Japanese did you study before going to Japan?"

About 4 years in university.

"Can you teach me Japanese?"

No.

"I'd like to have a Japanese penpal. Can you hook me up with any of your students?"

No. I do not need anymore penpals at the moment, if I did I would make a post about it on the message board or something.

If you're looking for Japanese penpals, resources are out there. Google something, it can't be that hard to find. Japan Guide is also a decent place to start.

"What is the octopus?"

I'm really not telling.

"I saw somebody online with the Azrael handle at _______, was it you?"

Probably not.

"Do you have AIM/Messenger/etc? Can we chat online sometime?"

I have never been a fan of online chatting, and as such I rarely use it.

And these days, if I were to go online, I can't imagine the explosion of chat windows I'd have to deal with. So, no.

Besides, by the time I get home from work, most of you are probably asleep in bed.

"RSS Feed?"

I didn't make it, I'm not maintaining it, so if you have any problems with it don't ask me. Try the message board.

"What's the deal with the PayPal donate button?"

I've had quite a few people suggest I should set up a PayPay for donations. I figured, eh, why not?

I'm not asking for anything. But if you want to swing a few bucks my way, I'd appreciate it greatly.

"What will you use the cash for?"

First and foremost, I'll pay for the server and any related costs. If I get enough, I may look into getting a better server.

Leftover amounts I'll use at my own discretion...probably help to support my growing addiction to ramen. More than likely to help with various assorted bills.

If you're concerned I'd do something immoral or illicit with the money, I won't. Unless you specifically ask me to, in which case I'll do my best. ^_^

"Mind if I make "Gaijin Smash!"/some other catchphrase t-shirts/coffee mugs/etc?"

I appreciate the interest in Outpost Nine merchandise. However, at the time, I have to ask everyone to hold off and wait on that aspect. There are some copyright/legal issues I need to sort out.

If and when merchandizing becomes possible, I'll let you know.

"Hey, why haven't you answered my email?"

I get a lot of email. And I have a *massive* backlog.

I do work everyday (I am a Japanese school teacher, after all) and have somewhat of a social life, so I don't have the time to pour into answering email. The spare time I do have for this site and the internet, I use to write editorials, which I figure takes priority. Many times I don't have any spare time, and with every passing day the backlog grows bigger.

If you've sent me an email, know that I have seen it and read it. I'm appreciative for all the comments that come my way...the stuff like "I stayed up all night reading your stuff", "I never knew Japan was like this", or "I was in Japan for .... I know exactly how that goes!" I thank you for reading my stuff, and hope you continue to enjoy future content.

But it's just not humanly possible to respond to everything. I'll do what I can, but a lot will go unanswered. Even if you ask me nicely to respond. It doesn't mean I didn't read your mail, or I hate you specifically, just that I'm human, and can't do everything.

If you've asked a question, try taking a closer look around. A lot of the questions I'm seeing I've already answered at some point on this site.

I don't mean to discourage email, as I like it a lot. I just know that there's a big backlog, and probably quite a few people wondering if I've even read their email. I have.

Thanks for your patience. ^_^

"Hey, did you know that..."

Yes, I know that...

The sleeping on trains and waking up at the right moment thing isn't exclusive to the Japanese.

Japanese women never seem to get pregnant because the abortion rate is astonishingly high.

Kancho is also in Korea, called Ddong Chim or something like that.

Kancho, or some variation of it, is in many other places as well.

There is a Kancho video game, as well as t-shirts.

The kancho entry in Wikipedia makes reference to one of my editorials.

There used to be a reference for "waist-shake" in Wikipedia and the Urban Dictionary, and yes I did bring that one on myself.

Thanks for the heads-up though.

"Okay, NOW can I have your email address?"

Only if you promise to play nice.